In Texas and the South, it is perfectly acceptable for a lady to stand up for herself, speak her mind in a gracious way, put a stop to rude behavior in a way that does not demean herself, and be who she wants to be.
It remains a distinct turn-off to see a "lady" act like a common street doxie. By this, I mean loud, drunk, and rude.
You don't have to be a doormat to be a lady. But you don't have to act like trash either.
A lady might be able to go hunting with the boys, drive a truck, wear her jeans and get muddy, ride a horse, go to medical school, be a soldier, become the President of the United States, be a construction worker, be a mother (or not), choose for herself her own future, and a whole mess of other things with class, grace, and decorum.
Being a modern, self-assured woman does not mean you have permission to be a jackass.
There. I said it. Jackass.
If it is not acceptable for a man to do it, a lady shouldn't do it either. What's good for the goose is most assuredly good for the gander. She doesn't get drunk and in someone's face because she lacks self-control--and clearly some manners--because she's "a modern, strong woman." A strong woman wouldn't do that. She'd realize she'd had some drinks over her personal limit and cut herself off at the bar before the barkeep has to make that decision.
She doesn't talk smack about other people either.
It is human nature to talk about our friends. But to talk about our friends with the goal of running them down in the eyes of others? No self-respecting lady with an ounce of class would do that.
Do we all slip and do that sometimes? Yes. And shame on us for having done it. That's why we recognize it, stop it, and do better the next time. A lady recognizes that and strives to be gracious in the present.
For the record and to be completely fair, a gentleman doesn't do any of these bone-headed things either.
If faced with the choice of reacting in anger or simply moving on and into better circles, choose the latter. It's more noble, whether you're a gentleman, a lady, or simply a forward-thinking adult human being.